Resolution 2012

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 A month ago, the great changeover of 2011 to 2012 happened. The 1 in 2011 was unceremoniously dismissed for being old skool and 2 replaced him… welcome 2012.

This number 2 had two things in his memoranda for his reign:

  1.   a contract with phone companies that calls and texts will be virtually impossible on that day and
  2. new year resolution forms.

New year resolution forms we all filled diligently and with all sense of honor that this year, we shall finally develop ourself to the perfect well-rounded human we have ended each year not being.

However, unlike you all i went the extra-mile to do the more grown-up thing of actually looking at the list through and ticking and commenting on the possibilities etcetera, not just forgetting it somewhere under my Style and Elan magazines. After an ultimate search that earned me a blister I found it:

New-Year Resolutions 2012

  1. develop stuff that will make me self-sufficient. I must have being drunk when i wrote this; drunk on stupidity. i love having money, but working? oh hell no!
  2. Try to be nice to everybody. Ifiyeerr!!! some people are animals and must be treated as such.
  3. Be less sarcastic so people won’t think I had an abnormal childhood.
  4. Develop active interest in other people. *laughing at self in mockery. says the girl who can barely remember faces and names? mchew.
  5. Develop writing skills. well… there is this blog innit? and assignments…those have got to count
  6. Exercise everyday. EVERYDAY!  why the f&*k will i wanna do that? I must have being drunk or drugged. exercise ke!
  7. Reduce the amount of f#%k you apply in sentences per day. Rumor has it that ‘f%^k’ was what God was referring to when he said thou shall not swear.
  8. Stop listening to rumors. In retrospect number 7 doesn’t make sense does it? i mean when He said swear its more likely He’s talking about that famous Yoruba activity of rubbing a finger on the ground, licking it an d raising it to the high Heavens…
  9. Learn to drive. Given the current subsidy things, i should properly learn how to ride a bicycle, Nigerian driving gives a lot to be desired.
  10. Finally buy a BB and not have to bow my head in shame since having a phone number is now unnecessary in the country. Hmm?
  11. Eat healthy; soft-drinks, cake, doughnut, chocolate are a no-no. vegetables and fruits all the way. *eyes glazing over and deliberately skipping this. so I’m supposed to take water and vegetables. note to self: I am not a rabbit. i am not a vegetarian.
  12. Try and maintain twitter account as Facebook is for babies. @misty0_0 i hate twitter. #teamfacebook.
  13. Read Bible everyday. EVERYDAY is kind of a lot isnt it. Considering you fall off the bed a half-hour before activities in the hope they will be cancelled of which they never are…
  14. Attend all classes. *grunting here.
  15. Study lecture notes and read-up everyday. LAUGH-OUT-LOUD.
  16. Try to switch from worldly songs to Christian songs only. *bowing down and taking God that this is only a trial that i know will not end well
  17. Develop a more active interest in gossip. yes oh!!!
  18. Take up tennis again. read number 6.

And then I met Dammy.

She doesn’t even know what it is. So I sat her down and explained the mechanics involved in this ritual. Afterward she asked, “so if I don’t write it I can’t improve it?”

I told her “no… its just so you’ll know where you want to change.”

“but I know them already…”

“Dammy, that’s not the point. You have to write one.”

“I sha don’t think it’s necessary…”

“It’s a ritual and your not doing it means you think you’re better than us!”

“Taiwo get out, i’m not writing it!” Silly girl… what does she know?

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