Its weird how things happen. How you think you have it all down and well, you don’t.
He came over on the 1st of January. That he called was a shock, that he even made it was another. And we talked and laughed like it was old times. I was happy. I mean, I hadn’t thought we’d ever see eye to eye again, talk-less of talking about how hot I’d look driving the new Mercedes in the compound.
And then he said it. He said he missed me. I was shocked, honest. I mean, I really was not expecting that. But it didn’t go awkward though, we were still together for about an hour. And then, he had to go.
He wanted to talk about the past issues, iron it out. I didn’t I never do. Then he hugged me. And I realized I missed that, the way he hugs me. Its like engulfing but not over-powering and just the right amount of emotional.
It was a bit of a surprise too, the realization that I still really like him and right now, for now, he’s what I want.
Then we kissed, it wasn’t like the usual it was sweet, not too long- just right. Then he just held me for a while and I couldn’t help but wonder about the ‘thing’ whatever it was… that had somehow managed to keep him with me for over a year through the kind of crap that had happened.
Then we saw in school we were together for a while it was really flirtatious and fun, we were sitting so close to each other that when we talked, it seemed like we were just an inch away from kissing.
And somehow, they didn’t seem to matter at all. All those other silly thing…
So what if he liked someone over that time? I was seeing others too…
So what if he didn’t come to the hall?
So what if he has told his friends I’m mad? (he actually told me himself)
…when I’m with him he makes me feel special.
He listens to me.
I get to play with him and make fun of him.
I don’t need to be the cute, quiet girl with him, that it seems all girls become with guys they like
He makes me feel beautiful.
He introduces me to his friends.
He doesn’t bear grudges with me when I mess up.
He always gives me a chance.
He gives me space.
He speaks his mind.
He makes the effort to be friendly with people that are important to me.
And guess what? He’s not my boy-friend.
I like him a lot and right now I miss him. And when I see him I’ll tell him. Or maybe not.
When I think of my idea of an ideal relationship for now, he kinda fits the bill give or take the odd thing. Maybe tomorrow shit might happen but right now, he’s just what I need for me.
And I just know if things don’t work, well, I wouldn’t change any part of his impact in my life. He opened me to a whole new dimension of relationships and the average Joe… he made me better.
So, do I love him? I dunno, but I am in love with him.
Yours in Vodka and arrows,
the drunk archer
(diary excerpt; dated 18th January, 2012)