53 years is not beans…

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Nigeria is 53 today and as usual… last night and today’s television news reports will be all about why we.. the masses feel we have nothing to celebrate and the newspapers will ironically be filled with congratulatory messages to this same Nigeria… a national cake will be cut for those with money lined in their agbada pockets to stuff their face with and of course, shoprite will give their “lowest price blah blah blah” discount… it’s a vicious yearly cycle… but today, let’s sit and give thanks for the Nigeria we have. Why? Because we thank God always. Even when we donno what to thank him for. We’ve all heard those prayers right… “thank God that many died but we didn’t, some have no food but we do… some slept and died but we didn’t” you know… thank God that someone’s bad luck is not your own. so yes… let’s thank God like that.
1. Thank God we don’t have the likes of hurricane Shola, hurricane Aminat and Hurricane Chidinma to contend with.
2. Thank God that gun men are not killing our people… oh… sorry, news just in that the groupleader-less and generally purposeless Boko Haram is still at it… okay.. rephrase, thank God the part of Nigeria you occupy is safe.
3. Thank God there is no drought here unlike in Sudan.
4. Thank God USA has not yet found anything they want in Nigeria and turned us into a barren wasteland of senseless killing.
5. Thank God that we only have 2 seasons of more rain and more sun… and not the useless four that people in “the abroad” have to
go through and be buying winter clothes… summer clothes, autumn boots and spring sandals yearly.
6. Thank God that the white people left us alone 53 years ago and didn’t stay and leave us as a questionable rich-white and poor-black people nation like South Africa majorly looks like.
7. Thank God that once in a while the world remembers we are here, even though it is in 419 and limiting VISA access unlike Mozambique who only trended a khazillion years ago when their country flooded.
8. Thank God that there are actually schools to go on strike… at least there are schools. ( ._.)
9. Thank God that the naira is still a currency and is not yet devalued like it did for some country that in their great depression they used their money as toilet paper.
10. Thank God that as stupid as our leaders are they haven’t decided to do any nuclear program unlike Syria, and are protecting us from the piercing vengeful judgemental eyes of the USA.
11. Thank God that even though nobody confesses to voting Good luck Jonathan in… even with his outstanding CV of no shoes and something about been a head boy .. we sha know he will not be president forever, unlike those in Zimbabwe.
12. Thank God that even though Governor Fashola continues to ruin jobs and livelihood of the average struggling Lagosian, the state continues to look good and weight-loss is on an all time low (research studies, if they study this, will show that the public transit bike [Okada] limitation has increased trekking exercises)… Eko o ni baje.
13. Thank God that even though girls continue to sleep with random old men and young men for money, Nigeria is still not the
country with the highest population of AIDS in the world.
14. Thank God for private universities, even though they increase their fees increase yearly and they come up with rules that make you wanna pull your hair out, at least a percentage of Nigerian youths knows exactly when they will graduate.
15. Thank God for things like football matches so females can unite and hate something and males can unite and love something and distract us whilst our leaders loot the country.
16. Thank God for big people like Dangote (can’t still believe he is Hausa, there must be a twinge in his DNA) for showing Nigeria
is not just a nation ridden with fraudster.
17. Thank God for Hausa men who come down to Lagos cramped up in Lorries because they care about ensuring we have access to mobile men that repair our clothes, fix shoes, provide quality gate-manning services and reaching the Nigerian dream of having at least six kiosks on every street.

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18. Thank God for Ibo men who forage far and wide to ensure that every dream that the rich people have of owning original one of a kind Louis Vuitton hand luggage is foiled at every turn by seeing it clutched tightly by a hawker.
19. Thank God for Yoruba people, because we’re awesome \o/!!!
20. Thank God for Agege bread which really isn’t from Agege but feeds the nation more than shoprite/ big treat breads ever could.
21. Thank God for road traffic and the job opportunity it provides for Nigerians worldwide to furnish their homes with pictures,
shoe racks, puppies, laundry baskets, nighties from this brand of car-to-car sales men (Hawkers).

22. thank God that Google finds us worthy of celebrating… there’s a country called Seychelles… donno where or what the hell it is.

ImageAnd if we ever run out, the following groups or individual have their own say…

23. The coca cola company and gala, who cannot help but be grateful for the daily traffic that has their drinks and meat rolls bought faster than in any other gathering.
24. The Chinese/Japanese or whoever the slit-eyed people who make generators, are of course thankful for Nigeria.
25. The Toyota company blessed God for Nigeria… you see about 50 of those a day on these streets.
26. Swiss accounts bless God for Nigeria’s corrupt leaders.
27. Hennessy blesses God for Nigeria, the only country where.. in the words of the “singing sensation” L.O.S. “10 bottles of this drink, is nothing….” because they’re on a bad guy p. don’t ask ( ‘_’)

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28. Dstv and all those other famzers, startimes and such, also thank God for the lack of imagination of Nigerian TV stations.
29. Blackberry still thanked God for Nigeria… even roadside mechanics bought that thing.
30. Range Rover and any new high-class obscenely expensive car creator can still thank God for Nigeria, where they can be sure their things will be bought.

… et cetera… I could go on and on… but my battery’s going low… donno when NEPA will give us electricity… and no, I don’t thank God for NEPA. Fuck them.

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