STOP THE PRESSES!!! I have found a solution to the 99 problems (exclusive of the bitches) that had Jay-Z in an uproar.
Wait for eeeeeeeeeeetttt!!!
Talking to people about your problems.
I don’t mean cornering poor pedestrians and sucking them into your life’s issues…. but well, people generally.
Me: gawd Ayo, I will kill this woman (rants about the happenings in home, starred by mother)
Ayo: loooool…. (rants about happenings in own house presidented by own mother…. reveals plan to have mother kidnapped)
…and we gossipped on and on about our mothers’, and their missions to drive us crazy through any means possible, till we were just laughing and laughing.
Conclusion: something about pushing a watermelon out of your vagina unsettles your centre of gravity and makes you do crazy stuff. Take note.
Another time, with another person.
Me: parents just don’t want their kids to explore and make their mistakes… they want to wrap their 23-year-old in blankets and carry them on their backs through life.
Another person: (gives examples of parents thwarting own destiny… reveals plan to tell father he is going to friend’s house for a week and use that to permanently move to out-of-state)
Conclusion: your parents have changed your diapers and watched you eat chalk and sand. they don’t think you can make any decisions.
Take a chance and share your troubles with someone today.
Disclaimer: information as ATM pin and locations of family heirlooms should only be revealed if the person you are talking to about it is me.