Tired of being a wallflower 

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​On monday, i went down to the school i learned my tailoring at. It’s a government owned facility. The government had decided to finally give us our certificates as graduates of the school. As favour would have it, 2014 and 2015 are the only sets to have an event hold for them. I was in 2014.

When we got there our teacher in the school asked us if we had managed to get in touch with all our set mates to tell them about it. That was where the fun began. We couldn’t remember everyone by name, so we were trying to describe as best we could.

There was the one who was always ready to teach people who didn’t understand.

There was the one that acted like she always knew everything.

There was the Jehovah Witness girl.

There was the thieving girl that also lied a lot

There was the only woman who came with a child and tended to neglect him a lot.

There was the tomboy.

There was the short chubby madam that was always fighting someone.

There was the poor lazy girl that got pregnant out of wedlock.

And then there was the selfish and mannerless Sade who acted one way to people she needed things from and a complete about face to people she didn’t. Each of us had tales on things this girl had done and said.

And afterwards i couldn’t help but wonder how i was remembered by people. 

I’m very wary of myself around people that aren’t my close friends. I over think, under do, and will be predominantly quiet. In fact, most people assume I’m just a quiet person. Ever since i was a child… I’m always the girl sitting in the corner who is having fun observing people. I didnt used to care about this at all till some years back. I started to wonder what i miss out on. Some of the times I’ve had the most fun is when my inhibitions are lowered… Usually at parties. First time i danced, alcohol was there. First time I twerked, alcohol was there.

I Didn’t tell you guys about the party i twerked at? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I KNEW HOW TO TWERK. It was one of these party games and i had already had my fair share of alcohol, so my mind was like “why not??” when normal me would have said “NOOO! WHYYY?” But i did it! And i had fun doing it. And i was awesome at it. They never expecter it. There was this silence till i got back to my seat and then someone said, “WOW!!” It’s just a shame that i can’t carry around vodka in a sippy cup to be able to express myself to the outside world… My liver would be very cross if i did that. But that feeling of nonchalance where i can actually say and act how i want only happens when my blood is part alcohol. 

This might be one thing i have no way to get out of. But, i really do want one. I just don’t know how. It’s like the quietness has become a part of me. Like my character. And it sucks.

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8 thoughts on “Tired of being a wallflower 

  1. @ “And afterwards i couldn’t help but wonder how i was remembered by people” Hmmm… that bit really got to me, so thought-provoking.

    Lol @ “why not??”, it’s funny how we start to enjoy ourselves and take full responsibility for our own enthusiasm when we lose our inhibitions.

    Quietness is not a bad thing. I like the idea of quiet strength, especially when people underestimate your will, and you surprise them by standing your ground. They never esperred it. 🙂

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