What word are you?

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I love reading. There’a a lot to say about getting the right mix of words to explain something as vividly to the reader as you can. Words are what build up characters. How you seperate the protagonist (hero) from the antagonist (villain).

The echo of a raspy cough echoed through the empty hall. Lola drew her knees up against herself… Hugging her body tight, even as he heart beat widly. She heard the echo of a footstep as the person stepped into the hall. A door slammed and she flinched. The steps continued. They seemed to heading right towards her. This couldn’t be happening. She burrowed herself into the closet, but there was no where else to go. The foorsteps stopped, right outside the closet. There was only one way out.

See that? We don’t know much, but we know just enough. We assume Lola is some poor helpless woman and that the other person (maybe some man) is out to get her.

The closet door creaked faintly as the door opened. Lola held her breathe. He reached inside in the darkness, hands grasping at air till finally his hands gripped it. The mop. With a cough, he pulled it out, shut the closet. Lola heard the sound of footsteps fade into the distance. She heaved a sigh of relief. That must have being the janitor. Then suddenly, the sound of music tore through the silence, startling her. Lola grabbed her phone quickly.

“Oh my God, Lola, where are you?We have been outside forever!!” 

“I’m so sorry guys, the principal was still around, i didn’t know. The dude almost caught me.”

“.. But were you able to change the maths results?”

“Yeah. Mission accomplished.”

Or, it could have been what we assumed all along… A psycho serial killer on a rampage to kill all women with L in their names. RAAAHHHH!

In real life, words aren’t really our friends. I will go so far as to say words are our worst enemies. They make us put people in neat little boxes that we feel we understand and get. The good boy, the bad girl, the tidy child, the fat woman, the drunk man. And all these words come with their brothers and sisters. The fat woman, is said to be lazy, to have no self control, to eat too much, to not care about her appearance, to be selfish. The bad girl? In the too short shorts and tattoos? She must be wild, definitely sleeps around, desperate for attention, parties all night, doesn’t have good grades, will end up pregnant and with some STDs to boot.

Fact is, she probably won’t. She’ll end up with a good self image and be confident in her appearance and herself. She’ll learn to stand up for herself and not follow the crowd. She’ll have real friends who don’t judge based on appearance.

Life isn’t a ‘once upon a time’ with a ‘happily ever after’ at the end of two hours. There’s no director yelling “CUT!!” anywhere. The person you see and write your mental story on today can morph into something SO different tomorrow. And that should free you. It freed me.

For a long time, i had my mental imagery of what a good girl was and what she did and what a bad girl was and what she did… It wasn’t a fun place to be in. Of course, i didn’t know it wasn’t fun then, I was enclosed in my own world-bubble of goodiosity. But one day, that bubble burst. And i am so glad it did. I realized I was more than that. I was more than a pierced ear. I was more than wearing big clothes to hide my body. I was more than a big butt. I was more than staying home all the time. I was more than my own teeny weeny circle of friends that i kept religiously because i was too scared of other people. I was more than a hymen. I was more.

I am intelligent. I am smart. I am kind. I am prudent in spending. I get angry on a slow burn. I’m a great listener. I once got an extra ear piercing. I like my own company. I party with friends sometimes. I don’t like having too many friends. I’m very organized and meticulous. I’m known to leave a messy trail in my room and workspace. I think a lot. I’ve smoked weed too. I am very decisive. I am emotional. I love surprising people. I am calculating. I like wearing shorts. And i can probably twerk. Probably.

I’m not good, I’m not bad. I’m just living life one day at a time and that’s just fine.

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type now or forever hold your fingers :)

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