One of the more awesome things about having girlfriends over is talking. You talk about almost everything. It’s not like outdoors when you’re trying to whisper because one guy is doing a slow moonwalk into the conversation or a small child is right beside you and you donno till she tugs her mum, saying “mummy what’s a twerk?” It was indoors and we were talking marriage… The good, the bad and everything we had heard in between.
Growing up, what i saw of marriage was bleh. Overworked parents with barely a hug in between, so much of anger. Then i found mills and boons… Ze romance.. Ze intruige… It had me by the tenterhooks. Then i left my girl’s only secondary school ready for my own experience and mehhhh 👎 i wasn’t interested. I did try.
No i didn’t. They just seemed gross and stupid. Mostly stupid. “I saw you from afar and i just had to meet you” ...no, you didn’t. You could have just stayed across the road. Then it got more and more gross. Guys parking their Cars on the road like a scene out of GTA. I knew it was a ploy… “Hey look at my big car, I’m rich” how gross can you be to be using cars to attract teenagers.
I’m pretty sure very few of my friends actually liked me. I was very judgemental. We would be strolling home and these men will stop their cars asking us to step in with their gross eyes. And I’ll stoically stand on the road while the friend’s hand gripped the car door, with a “I’m not going anywhere with this stranger”… They could either hands-off the car or look like the desperate girl that ran off with a stranger.
Or the ones that walked would scribble their numbers and hand it to us. I’ll promptly toss mine and when my friends try to tuck theirs into their pockets, I’ll be like “are you really keeping that?” With a quizzical brow raised and mouth curled into a sneer. It’s not like i was a very good girl oh. I just didn’t care for guys. I knew guys at that age wanted only sex from girls and they had mastered what to say and how to be all caring-y to get it. At that point in my life guys were emotionless robots set on my ruin.
I’ve never totally left that train of thought. Not the robot-men, but that guys can ruin you. Physically (pregnant), emotional (heartbreak), psychologically (mind games), spiritually.
But I’ve been feeling if you meet the right person maybe, just maybe
And then my friends stayed over. While one friend told me about an all-that-glitters-isn’t-gold marriage… Isn’t even shimmer… Not even poster color yellow. But if you see the pictures on facebook, you’ll be on an “me sef will love and marry rich man” train of thought. Whilst that conversation was still ongoing, i got a call from an acquaintance. The last time i was in touch with her was December last year, wishing her a happy married life.
Turned out the marriage didn’t happen. Turned out the wedding had been called off. Turned out the guy had been also getting engaged to another girl. Whether he wanted the two girls to do a fight to the death and the winner wins him… Only God knows. But he married the other girl on the wedding day she had thought she would be wedded in.
I’m as shocked as you. The guy met her family. He did overnight prayer and fasting sessions. But i told her it was for the best.. Better a failed wedding.. Than a cheating husband.
These Two stories mixed in my mind. In and out. I already knew i wasn’t big on marriage. It doesn’t yet make sense to me. I’m not saying people that marry aren’t sensible. I mean they have a reason. i don’t have one yet.
I remember a year back, she would ask me about my relationship and i would tell her we were getting along fine she would ask me if i felt like i could marry him.
I would laugh… That that wasn’t my problem yet. And she would tell me i need to know, What was the point of our dating if we didn’t know?”
She felt she was older and as she was more advanced as a fiance in her relationship, she was now a mentor of sort.
I didn’t feel that because i was over 20 my next purpose was marriage. I just wanted to be happy. And happy i was and that’s all that mattered. And neither of us are in relationships right now but I’m still happy, she’s still recovering.
The future is so unsure… So so unsure. Don’t let culture, friends, time or parents push you into things. Especially Nigerian parents. They want grandchildren. I don’t get the obsession with this grandchildren thing. I think its just a distraction in old age. In my mind, you’ve seen one baby, you’ve seen all babies. Or maybe I’m not yet maternal. Who knows?
Don’t get bullied, the rest of your life is a loooong time to spend unhappy.