So I, out of the grand goodness of my heart, a heart that you all remember is oh so gracious and oh so so kind, I checked in on captain on-again off-again.
I prefer night calls, 9-10pm to be exact: rounding up the days stresses, making jokes. But alas, it’s always tricky because call too early and he’ll still be driving home (recieving calls whilst driving is a no-no for me) and call too late and he is sleeping; if he picks, he sounds as drunk as a sailor. This time I caught him as he was just getting home, so no Frankenstein narrative.
👨: Ms. Odutola…
👸: Mr. ****… How are you? how was your day?
👨: Fine… stressful… Just getting in from work. How was yours?
👸: Stress… Work… Just finished eating 500 naira worth of suya….
👨: With your big belly?
👸: 😒😣😠 wait What?
😈: Yes now…
👸: Wow. On top my own credit again… It’s not your fault it’s me that called.
😈: Sorry now… But youre always talking about how you want your tummy to be flat all the time.
😈: Okay okay, your tummy is perfect.
👸: NOPE! It’s too late, leave me and my bloated belly.
😈: Ahhnn now… Chill, Taiwo, I’m sorry. Please let me settle down, I’ll call you back.
👸: NOPE! Me, my BIG belly and the low self esteem you just gave me ON MY OWN CREDIT are going to bed.
😈: Fine, We’ll talk tomorrow. Goodnight dear.
So yes, operation you-just-wait-till-I-get-my-abs-on is ON! ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! So, Goodbye snacking all day, goodbye sedentary lifestyle, goodbye Abby driving me everywhere and say hello: hello Planking, hello 2 litres of cucumber-ginger water, hello hourly early morning and evening walks, hello low/no carbohydrate, hello eating only one real meal a day, hello salad dinners. Hello flat tummy, that I will rub in the face of captain on again off again. Hello smaller butty. Smaller butty will be so very happy to meet him. He is an appreciate-er of fuller bums of which I have ample, 43 inches worth. So yes, a smaller butty is one person that will be hella glad to meet him if you know what I mean. 😏😏