Church girl problems

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Its the week after the 21 days fast; its the time to reap testimonies. This week alone, i have been favored with four totally unexpected opportunities to sew for people. I wasn’t even searching. I wore two of the ankara shorts i had made to buy fabrics and these women that i bought the fabrics from were so impressed that they wanted me to make trousers for them and a few wanted shorts for their daughters.
I was so humbled. This time last year, i had never even used a sewing machine.. And now.. Well, I thank God.

Anyway, i wore one of the shorts to our mid-week fellowship today and it was LOL. A lady came to meet me whilst the service was on basically telling me how God doesn’t like shorts, how they were inappropriat and i wouldn’t wear them to meet the governor. I told her i would. That there is nothing wrong with them, and i had no intention of wearing long skirts to pretend that i was something i wasn’t to please them.
Note,These weren’t little bum shorts. They were three inches above my knees and very wide at the base. Basically, what i will describe as palazzo shorts.
I think her freedom of speech was spurred by the assumption that i was some young 18 -year old kid. Meanwhile two weeks ago, another of these women had come at me to wear skirts and I had not attended fellowship the entire previous week. Not to prove any point. But, i hate feeling watched and monitored. Especially in church where judgemental-ism should be frowned on. But, what i hate more is anybody intimidating me or trying to bully me. I’m to stubborn for such to prevail for long. Another was at the house fellowhip. I wore a maxi dress to it on saturday and she was almost dancing on her tippy toes saying the Holy Spirt had touched me. One would think these people have ever seen my cleavage, or seen me in a bodycon dress or anything.

As someone with aspirations of working in the fashion industry, it makes me wonder about what exactly my fashion line would portray..
It seems my fashion sense is frowned on by these christain-folk.
But isn’t it God that gave enhanced my fashion creativity, and made me with this nice figure as an advertisement for my clothes? I’m just confused. πŸ˜•

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The last stand

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To start with, dear readers, i have no idea what I’m really meant to write. I started writing a post in my mind yesterday and titled it ‘The last stand’. I think I feel I have some sort of memory card memory.
Apparently not.

But hey, let’s talk about September. We’re on the brink of the last quarter of the year, my beauties and handsomes!
Raaaaaaggghhhh!!! 2015 is winking at us already
And i’m like, the Drunk Archer needs to take a look at her resolutions of the year and see how far she’s done.

1. workout 4 times a week… LOOL… No no… Must have been high when I thought of this. On the high side, lost 2kg from doing absolutely no exercise for the past 4 months.

2. Always have a christian book to read. *sigh*

3. List out your friends names somewhere. Know them, Take care of them. Yessss!!! One mark for me!

4. Less time on twitter. two marks!!!!! Yay me!!!

5. Get your big L on and start letting to drive. Three marks!!! I’m on a roll baybees!!!!

6. Attend more Human resource conferences. Done and done!! Check! 4 marks.

7. Take an hour before bed (10 or 11) to meditate on the day and write down things you are thankful for. Uuuuugggghhhh! *eyes glaze over*

8. Remember the fro and keep her nourished with multivitamins, moisture and oils. Once in a while, guys. Man cannot live by taking care of afros alone. 4.5 marks

9. Go out on more dates. Ummmn … No. Not the random dating type at all. And i’m seriously tired of guys right now… I’m now a shark… A lone shark traversing and daring any penis-wielding dude to dip his toe in my ocean. Oh yeah!

10. Develop a healthy eating regimen. So far, so good! 5.5 marks.

11. Always have a bottle of water in your bag. Well… I try. So, 6 marks.

12. Work on your relationship with God. Yup!! 7 marks.

13. Keep the nails uneaten. I am. I am. 8 marks.

14. Remember date-nights with God and don’t be late. Just an hour late…. That’s okay, right? Jehovah? Dad? Is that cool? .. 9 marks.

15. Learn to sew. Yuuurrrrp!!!! 10 marks.

16. Take yourself out to relax every three weeks. Ain’t nobody get time for that… We rest per night! 11 marks.

17. Reduce the shopping. Make More clothes yup! Hard at work on that! 12 marks.

18. Write your shopping wishlist for the year sha. Because you will still shop. Just keep to the list. i wrote the list… Counts for something right! 13 marks.

19. Save 20% of all inflow. *skips*

20. Pay your 10% tithe. #NeverForgetOrPostpone. Forever and ever and always! 14 marks.

21. Spend 10% for people in need. *Whistles by slowly*

22. Keep a journal of your spendings. TRY! Nahh… Don’t feel like trying.

23. Have a morning routine: pray, read, exercise, eat. *sigh*

14 out of 23….
That’s something! You guys vent so much about resolutions been broken by day two… But it’s month 9 and i’ve gone through 14.
So….

SUCCCKKKKK IIIIITTTTT!!!!

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Break that bad belle button

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My friend got a new job today… Not the normal new job. I mean the kinda job that cuts your tax and pension and you have to sign on a line that you’re willing to travel out for company errands. I was so excited for her. I know how much she had waited for it. It was like her very own miracle tied up in pretty bows.
Green doesn’t look good on me. I’ve not been in the position of being jealous in a long LONG while. And no, giving a girl your boy-friend hugs the evil eye is not jealousy. It’s a necessity actually.
But I was soo jealous… Like thoughts of “Taiwo, maybe you should quit the sewing classes and get into the workforce” running back to back in my mind… Minus the number of marriages I hear of weekly.
Makes me feel a little stagnant. I told her how I felt, and her understanding was a relief. Because, i truly wanted her to know I was happy about her news, and if she sensed anything else, it was more my disappointment with myself.
I need to work harder. And faster. But more than that, I need to have more faith in God’s plan for me (Jeremiah 29: 11) and keep my eyes on that. Fear is the opposite of trust… This is a sign I don’t trust Him as much as I should. #causeForPauseRightThere.

hmmmnn….

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A couple of Sundays ago, I was listening in on Bishop T. D. Jakes’ preaching on 102.3 inspiration fm. For that day, his sermon was basically answering questions put forward by his congregation. I thought that to be pretty cool.

I had tuned in late, so the one question I got was; if i don’t pay my tithes, will I go to hell?

The answer: No… and he gave the reasons.

People have asked me if I can ever pastor a church… the answer is “No.” Why? Because if I were in the Bishop’s church, these are probably the questions you’d have heard:

  1. Are christians allowed to wear shorts? A lady in my church told me I shouldn’t wear my slightly-above-the-knee shorts when we’re going preaching and I laughed and kept wearing ’em. Because I like shorts. And God gave me great legs.

  2. Are christiansΒ allowed to want piercings? Mine has closed, and I wanna re-open it, because. It, is. Awesome.
  3. Are christians allowed to party? Because I like going to parties, and dancing. Its fuuuuun.
  4. What if a random dude decides to grind you at said party, is breaking his head with a bottle of anointing oil holy enough?
  5. What music will be played at a christian party? And does two words “christian” and “party” don’t look happy to be side by side,
  6. Do christians ever really have fun… like real REAL fun? I mean, I have fun. A lot. Am I , per chance, not christianly enough?
  7. Is it weird that I don’t like when guys treat church like a singles-mingle forum?.. like all girls in church that are single are praying for marriage… I want a puppy. A job. My apartment. first.
  8. Why is dressing up for church such a big thing in my head? Like it’s a date…
  9. How does God overcome the urge to make us do stupid things so he can laugh at our expense?… if I was God, i would… I’d make your hand slap your own face while you’re talking to your boss… maybe add a fart too… πŸ™‚
  10. Is it weird I don’t like been to friendly with churchies (church people)? The average churchie is over bearing and judgemental… I don’t think they fart… probably explains why their head is clogged with…. oh look, a butterfly…

retrace & learn

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I didn’t write a resolution last year.

I don’t even know how that happened. I actually do… I was going through an impulsive phase then… wasn’t blogging much either. NYSC had just started and I was basking in the independence of having money coming in monthly. Great! Great! Great!

But I did learn along the way and that’s more important to me than any resolve.

1. The joy of salvation is real and true and it keeps me going when everything goes down. I’m saved and have a VIP pass to Heaven when I die. And even while here, God loves me and He has good plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11). I was a bit null about this for a while, but on the 11th of december I had my head fixed and had this joy returned fully once more.. can I hear a “whoop!!”?

2. I met a lot of people. We hung out some and were fives and sixes… and time happened and they went away. My only regret is I didn’t make more of these, because they disappear so easy. I don’t mind. They were people to talk to… they were important to have at that time but i wasn’t really attached… but as for the important ones, the favourite ones you DO need. Making out time and (yes) money for them… that’s important.

3. You mightn’t be Ms. Extrovert or Ms. Life of the party but there’s nothing wrong with who you are. Enjoy your “you”.

4. Guys are what they are. And don’t be a deceived. They rarely ever plan to be “just friends”… not like they want relationships oh, but they like having girls around them…. any girl. Especially attractive ones. They aren’t clingy, don’t be decieved. You can be replaced.

7. “Best-friends” aren’t forever and its not worth writing much. It’s in the shit happens sector of life.

6. People change. it’s life. Sometimes, people can’t deal with the new you. It’s life. And sometimes, you can’t deal with the new of others. It’s life as well.

7. “Sorry” isn’t a master-fixer. Nobody likes someone that’s always sorry. Be dependable. Don’t be that person that you depend on to fuck up. Think things through. In hearing sorry… in saying sorry, don’t ever expect things to return to the exact same eay they were.

8. Speaking your mind is a lot more relieving than holding it all in.

9. It is not your pregorative to give your number to anybody that wants it. This is in the bible.

10. Sneakers are awesome.

resolution 2014, lowkey supported by nikΓ©… Just Do It.

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So it’s a new year and it still has that new cloth smell… I have plans, I have resolutions…. people are so against them, I don’t get. How can you measure what you’ve done or not done without a conscious decision. Well, honestly, I don’t care about anybody else, it’s your life innit?

Do you, because ama do me.

Anyway, because I already have a basic picture of what I want when I turn 25. My goals for the year are really just the stepping stones to it.

1. Workout 4 times a week. Flat tummy is not by abracadabra.

2. Always have a christian book to read.

3. List out your friends names somewhere. Know them, Take care of them.

4. Less time on twitter. If you wanna waste time stroll around. Don’t stay cooped up. No one’s gonna steal you.

5. Get your big L on and start letting to drive.

6. Attend more human resource development conferences.

7. Take an hour before bed (10 or 11) to meditate on the day and write down things you are thankful for (I read this on my friend’s, tiemibix, blog and I’m applying it for myself all year.

8. Remember the fro and keep her nourished with multivitamins, moisture and oils.

9. Go out on more dates.

10. Develop a healthy eating regimen.

11. Always have a bottle of water in your bag.

12. Work on your relationship with God.

13. Keep the nails uneaten.

14. Remember date-nights with God and don’t be late.

15. Learn to sew.

16. Take yourself out to relax every three weeks.

17. Reduce the shopping. More clothes 18. Write your shopping wishlist for the year sha. Because you will still shop. Just keep to the list.

19. Save 20% of all inflow.

20. Pay your 10% tithe. #NeverForgetOrPostpone.

21. Spend 10% for people in need.

22. Keep a journal of your spendings. TRY!

23. Have a morning routine: pray, read, exercise, eat.

 

Might add more later, but yeah, this is the plan. Benjamin Franklin once said that it takes 13 weeks to develop a habit, good or bad. I have 52 weeks. There are No excuses.is not the answer.

 

 

the twelfth

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Vultures and flies alike encircled the tree,

Feeding on The decayed body, hung taunt by the rope.

Robes gathered in the distance, far from the putrid odour

And sent a man to the gathering of vultures.

“His guts were spilled before we arrived from Golgotha,” the vultures announced in defence

“but look, those shiny bits on the floor are not food at all, for Victor took one and look at him now, quite dead like this poor robed fellow.”

The man spared not a glance on their fallen comrade, but picked the shiny bits from the floor.

“Coins,” he told the robed men, “thirty in all.”

“Thirty?” A robe questioned, “it must be one of the a twelve.”

The land was cursed, the talking robes agreed, the traitor had made it so.

the rope bit deeper into his neck,

Questioning his decision… making him doubt

he kicked and tugged at the rope,

struggling for life,

Struggling to take back time,

Struggling and wondering, “why me?”

Forgetting what he had done, sentencing an innocent man to death…

Forgetting the kiss,

Forgetting why he had to do this.

As he lapsed into darkness, from the corner of his eye,

A vulture landed close by.

It winked and it smiled and said cordially,

“Good evening sir, I’m Victor. Hope you don’t mind, I’ll nibble on those shiny bits till you are good and dead… you look real tasty too… I’m sure you work out.”

He looked at him from a far corner of the table.

He was talking. As usual.

About things no one could understand or piece together.

And washing their feet like he were a common slave.

3 years on and nothing to show.

No mansion,

No vineyard,

as the group’s treasurer, he could count on their money as his

it was the least they owed him for wasting his years….

But as for fame?

He had seen the posters put up by synagogue police…

Warning people about their little gang.

The robed ones didn’t believe in their cause. All was lost.

The people still came… to be healed and stuff.

He couldn’t care less…

He hadn’t signed up for this struggle pot of burnt beans life.

“Do what you have to do,” the teacher now said to him.

And was he ever happy to do so…

With a kiss and a hug he sealed the teacher’s fate

The robed ones will teach the teacher good sense now.

The robed ones will show the teacher the errors in his teachings.

… make Him see reason.

The robed ones had no such plan. He soon realised.

“Too late,” they said, malice in their eyes “by tomorrow, your teacher is dead”

and tossed at his feet, a bag of coins.

Not three years before, In the land of Kerioth there lived,

A young well read Jew.

The laws of Moses and the ways of Israel

Were embedded deep before he turned 13.

The pharisees and scribes and Sadducees, he respected

the law in human form, never wrong.

But still, like all Israelites, he awaited their promised saviour…

The one to ride into Jerusalem on a noble steed

and cease Israel from the Roman,

Drive away and slay the uncircumcised dogs,

And restore Israel to wealth and strength.

Just like in the times of King David.

One eve, his father came from the synagogue.

“There is a man that spoke this day, I say” Simon told him,

“They call him ‘the Christ’. He is wise beyond his years.”

The saviour has come!

Oh! What it must be like to be a leader in his army!

He would be rich!

A mansion in Jerusalem and one in Bethlehem.

… some vineyards as well, of course.

Gold would line his pockets and women would swoon at his feet.

… and so when one day Jesus tweeted,

“@Judas, kindly follow.”

He knew his fortune had come.